So where to start? The last few weeks have been like a whirlwind for Mrs D and myself from getting our dates wrong to heavy bleeding, I guess the thing to do would be go back to the start and progress from there. Lets have some facts
- We thought we were 9 weeks pregnant
- It happened on a Friday night
- We spoke to NHS 24
- We had to wait over a week to be seen by the early pregnancy unit at the hospital
- We are 17 weeks pregnant this Friday (03/06/2016)
We’d known for a few weeks that we were pregnant and we’d figured out we must be about 9 weeks and everything was going ok, so the Friday night I was round seeing a friend in the same village as us having a couple of beers and a catch up as we try to do every so often, always difficult as we’ve both got youngsters, I came home and it wasn’t until the Saturday morning did I know something was wrong. Mrs D in floods of tears at 7 am on a Saturday morning, now 2 things got my heart racing at this point: 1. Mrs D is very rarely up at 7am on a Saturday and 2. Mrs D is not the biggest crier (although more so since Sophia came along), so my head is now racing thinking of what could be wrong (I should point out I always think the worst and quite often over think what might’ve happened) she was in floods and proceeded to tell me what happened. Perhaps, I should at this stage apologise for the details which are to follow, however as I hope the majority who read this are parents themselves will appreciate and understand the trauma and excuse the finer details!!!! Mrs D had felt what was very much like when the monthly visitor comes to visit and when she stood up felt a tremendous gush, she tidied herself up and had placed a pad to catch anything else which may follow. After feeling a little panicked she went to bed (now who could blame her, you’re not meant to bleed when you’re carrying a baby, you’re on your own in the house and feeling a little scared) By the morning her pyjamas, the bed sheet, the bed protector were all soaked with blood, naturally you start to fear the worst, it human nature isn’t it? We go for the worst case scenario before all else. At this point I get the account from Mrs D on what had happened over night etc, during this there was a small discussion on why I wasn’t called at the time but that’s irrelevant right now, all I want is for my wife to feel better and all to be well with the baby. I got Mrs D up, she sorted herself out, I stripped the bed etc and threw everything into the washing machine. Now my first thought is to jump into the car and head to A&E, Mrs D not so panic minded didn’t want to go, she said there would be nothing they could do and that she wasn’t going. Ok, I see her point of view but we need to know right? Is it simply something which can happen and there’s nothing to worry about? Is it the worst and we’ve lost the baby? Has something happened to Mrs D? So whats the next best thing, call NHS 24, I do this I explain whats happened over night, explained that the bleeding has stopped, there was no clots, no abdominal pain.
“can I speak to your wife?”
“sure but she’s very upset and might not manage to talk”
“I appreciate that but we really need to hear from her”
So I pass the phone over, the same story is relayed . The outcome of the conversation is to moniter it over the next few hours, should there be shoulder pain dial 999, if the is abdominal pain or clots or more bleeding to call back. Following on from this to call your midwife Monday to discuss.
Now I cant fault NHS 24, were thorough with the questions and good with the advice and instructions. For them I guess its not quite the emergency as I see it, for them its more if the baby is gone there is nothing they can do, if there is no bleeding at the time then its a case of monitor the situation. The weekend flashes past, there was a couple more calls to NHS 24.
Monday arrives and we call the midwife at our local doctors who advises we need to call the early pregnancy unit at the hospital, which I do
“this isn’t normal but its not uncommon”
these words stick with me, yeah ok so what do we do? Well we need to go in for a scan, great, finally getting somewhere, the earliest we can go is a week on Tuesday!!!!! What!! That’s over a week before we can be seen. Well, I guess for them its not urgent really but for us a parents it urgent, worrying, traumatic, scary, and I could go on with the adjectives!! I have to say it probably was one if not the longest week of my life!!! Trying to go to work and not think about things, its difficult, thankfully it was one of the busiest weeks of work ever which was great, really took my mind off things. At night Mrs D and I just sat there, some nights we’d talk about and go through things depending on the outcome, other nights we just ignored it, maybe silent dinners, maybe just idle chit chat about something insignificant. Sitting in front of the telly trying to take our minds off it before starting the cycle again the next day.
I should maybe say as well that we have Sophia and she was a great distraction as we lived out normal lives watching her shout for more Peppa or terrorizing Dodo!!
Finally the day had come, we’d gone to work like normal but there was nothing else on our minds. I collected Mrs D from her work and headed to the hospital, what ever happens we love each other and we already have a beautiful daughter who we love very much. We went through the whole story again (reliving the moment over and over), anyway the midwife advises that when she scans us we might not see anything and not to panic, don’t fear the worse…well ok, but I am now you’ve said it!!! Due to how early on we are she may need to preform a different scan to allow us to see the baby, ok lets do this already. The lights go down the screen comes up, there, there it is on the screen the bean!!! Heart pounding away, wow, holy shit, have I ever felt so relieved, Mrs D and I hold hands and have a little cry, I don’t mind admitting it, I was in bits. Having thought the worst and that we’d lost this bean I had tears of joy!!! Once the initial relief etc had settled the midwife was measuring as they do and the figures coming up on screen had me asking questions in my head!!! 12 weeks 3 days, maybe that’s for something else, I’ll just wait I thought to myself. Then it comes, the midewife, you said you were 9 weeks, well you’re measuring as 12 weeks 3 days!!! I turned to Mrs D and asked if she had something she’d like to tell me hahaha. So we had got this totally wrong!!! Well, the mind starts wondering and trying to do the math “where were we? When did this happen in February? I don’t remember” hahaha Maybe that’s just a man thing but we had a conversation about it after anyway. In my defense I barley remember what I did yesterday let alone 3 or 4 months ago!!
So the big question from all that, what was the bleeding? What caused it? What is it? Is it going to happen again? Well from the scan photo you will see a big black space just below the bean, that was a haematoma, the bean looks massive on screen but its only a few cm, non the less there was a haematoma, middle of the road in size apparently. This caused the bleeding, as it tries to repair itself it pushes blood out of the system. Wow, I’ve never heard of this before! Will Mrs D bleed again? What caused it? Well yes she may have spotting and over the next couple of weeks or so, and usually some sort of trauma to the stomach cause this. Nope, no idea what kind of blow Mrs D would’ve had to the stomach to cause that (half wondering if the midwife is secretly weighing up if I’m the sort of person who’d may hit their wife, I told you I over think things!!), just one of these things, one of lifes little mysteries!! Ok, so what happens next? Well it should repair itself and absorb back into the body, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing we can do!! Mmh, how do I feel about that, well ok, you’re the expert. We’re told its best to come back in 2 weeks to review the haematoma and measure it again. Now Mrs D is straight on the baby board on the @babycentreuk website checking whats happened to other woman, yes its happened to them, bed rest?? No we weren’t told that. Ok, lets see what happens in 2 weeks.
2 weeks has past, and we’re back, during which time we did have to make a couple of phone calls to the early pregnancy unit due to more bleeding, I’m sitting in the waiting room and I’m still feeling that little trepidation like I did last time, not so much the ‘will there be or won’t there be a baby there’ scenario but more the ‘what happens if its still there and what happens to the baby and Mrs D’ scenario. Up pops the screen, theres baby, heart beat and growth all good, firmly on track and still showing the same due date……phew relief….now what of the haematoma??? Its still there, still showing the same size!! No reduction I ask, no exactly the same I get told!! Mmmhhh, what do I make of that, what happens as the baby gets bigger? What happens to that space? What happens to Mrs D? What happens to baby?
“we expect it reduce before any of that is an issue, however don’t panic if you see it at you 20 weeks scan. This will take time to heal, unfortunaly there is nothing you or us can do, its just a matter of time and waiting”
Ok I’m not going to get all the questions answered, I guess from one point of view they don’t wish to scaremonger as every person and scenario is different and from our point of view we want to know all eventualities. However if it was really something of concern I concluded they’d be far more interested and advising rest etc for Mrs D. On the plus side they don’t want to see us again until the 20 week scan so that’s a boost!!!
Since I started writing this and its taken me a couple of weeks we’ve had spotting on and off but Mrs D has experienced all the right feelings for being pregnant and I even go to feel our little bean kick for the first time which was amazing.
This is my longest piece to date but I felt its an important one and I wanted to tell the story in my own little muddled way. It a personal story and has caused some anguish and upset to both Mrs D and myself but if I feel we need to share these things as we’re not alone and it happens to others and its all about sharing and caring in my books. I know through the power of social media I’ve managed to meet someone else who has gone through the same thing and it was good to share stories and see what they were told by their hospital and vice versa and it certainly made me feel more at ease about the whole situation, yes its still a worry and yes I’ll still be asking questions on the 20 week scan as I’m sure the haematoma will still be there and probably not shrunk in size. However this is the reason I started to do this, to post on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and the DadLifeKids blog, that parents can read and share, to not feel alone, to know that others are going through similar experiences. If 1 person can relate to any of this story then I feel this is all worth while, its not been a waste and I’ve not been talking to myself, although to get it down on paper so to speak has felt somewhat liberating, a little weight off my shoulders.
I’ll update the page once we’ve had the 20 week scan and see what’s happening with bean and the haematoma.